How Letting Go of Past Relationships Can Open the Door to New Beginnings

This summer, I decided to take a page from Marie Kondo’s book and apply her decluttering philosophy to my love life. The act of tidying up the physical space around me had already been transformative, so why not extend that concept to my emotional and romantic past? At 33, I realised it was time to clear the digital clutter — old photographs, messages, and memories of former partners — that had been lingering on my phone and in my mind for far too long.

Marie Kondo’s method involves going through your possessions and asking if they “spark joy.” If not, you discard them. While the approach is usually applied to material possessions, I’ve found it incredibly relevant when it comes to letting go of past relationships. Modern life, especially with digital technology, can easily fill our spaces — both physical and emotional — with things that no longer serve us. For me, that meant deleting old photos, unfollowing ex-partners on social media, and finally letting go of the notion that I could be friends with people I’ve shared intimate connections with.

In my twenties, I spent most of my time in long-term relationships, and as I entered my thirties, I cycled through a number of short-lived flings. My phone became a digital archive of memories from every relationship I’d been in — images, messages, and even old emails. While some of these brought back happy memories, most were reminders of disappointments and unfulfilled hopes. Swiping through my gallery, I was confronted by images that once held promises, but were now painful reminders of why each relationship had ended.

The process of deleting these items wasn’t easy. Some images brought back happy times, but they were overshadowed by the reasons things went wrong. For example, one ex had cheated on me, another had lied about having a girlfriend, and yet another had serious jealousy issues. But I realised that holding on to these images — even the happy ones — was just preventing me from moving on. As Charlotte Fox Weber, a psychotherapist, puts it: “The tiny bit of hope can leave us weighed down with fragments of messy half-relationships, failed romances, incomplete dalliances.” These fragments of past relationships clutter our emotional lives, and holding onto them can prevent us from creating new, healthier connections.

My decision to declutter my love life was also inspired by a conversation with Morag, a woman I met at a child’s birthday party. Morag, married for 40 years, recently embarked on a similar decluttering project, removing old ex-boyfriends from her photo albums. She explained how she would tear up photos of men who no longer played a part in her life, keeping only those that held positive memories. It made me realise that decluttering doesn’t just clear space in your home; it creates emotional space for new opportunities and helps you let go of the past.

In today’s digital age, the concept of emotional clutter is even more relevant. Many of us hold onto old messages or photos from ex-partners, and studies show that this can have a negative impact on our mental health. Charly Lester, a dating expert, explains that deleting old texts and photos can help us move on from the past and open ourselves up to new relationships. This “clean break” is not just symbolic; it’s also practical. It removes the temptation to revisit old conversations or text an ex when feeling lonely, or to compare past relationships with new ones.

Jade Thomas, a psychotherapist, explains that decluttering your digital space can be a way of achieving emotional closure. “Spring-cleaning your phone can bring emotional and psychological closure that a relationship has ended,” she says. It’s a sign that you’re ready to move on and start a new chapter in your life, free from the ghosts of old relationships.

While deleting photos and messages can feel like a difficult task, the benefits are clear. By clearing out the emotional clutter, we can make space for new, positive experiences and healthier relationships. As Chance Marshall, a therapist, points out: “By addressing the baggage, we create better opportunities for personal growth, self-awareness, and the ability to embrace new connections with more openness and authenticity.”

This process of digital decluttering hasn’t been without discomfort, but it’s been incredibly worthwhile. It’s allowed me to make space for a fresh start — and to embrace the idea that it’s time to move on from past loves. As I continue this journey, I feel lighter and more open to the possibilities ahead. I can’t help but wonder how different my approach to dating might have been if I’d done this years ago.

If you’re looking for a way to move on from past relationships and open your heart to new experiences, I encourage you to try Marie Kondo-ing your love life. It may feel like a small gesture, but the emotional benefits of decluttering your digital space could be just what you need to create a fresh, exciting future.